ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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