I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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