If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
