Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
