what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His nipple licking is glorious
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