I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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