Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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