Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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