She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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