is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
