this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
