you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
