just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
