His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
