you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
