when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
