I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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