i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Im part way to drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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