If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think my moral compass just broke
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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