i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
