I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
