i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
