i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
