So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
