mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
