end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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