Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
