508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
