i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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