Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
