when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
