Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
