My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
