all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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