Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
