If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
