i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
