do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
