Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
where are you?
Hypothermia
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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