My friends, they love my intelligence
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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