you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're too hungover to prance.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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