rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
