On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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