Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
