Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
