I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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