I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Soap is not a condiment
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
