His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
