i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
