there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
