If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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