I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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