just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want nice things and good sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
