I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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