I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
