Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am midnight drunk by noon
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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