I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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