My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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