You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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