i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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