Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
