All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
