the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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