Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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