"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
