I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
