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We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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