Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
