I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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