you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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