i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
