I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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