what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
