Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
