You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
