Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
