ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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